If you live far away from your parents, it might take a while for you to notice that they are in need of some care. You won’t be around to see the dishes piling up or the unwashed clothing. You might not notice that they aren’t getting out much or eating very well because they don’t mention it to you on your weekly telephone calls. But it could be time for your parents to have a little in-home assistance, with a view to maintaining their independence for as long as possible.
Get a handle on what’s going on
If you live an hour or more away from your parents—and 15% of the 34 million American adults who are caring for an aging parent do—and you have any reason to suspect that they might need some help or resources, it’s time to pay them a visit, if you can! If you arrive to find their situation isn’t what you thought it was, roll up your sleeves and start planning.
- How is their physical appearance? Are they tired or thin? Do they look markedly different from the last time you saw them?
- How is their state of mind, so far as you can tell?
- What does the house look like? Messy? Tidy? Is there food in the fridge?
- Can you speak with their primary care physicians to make sure they’re getting flu shots and other medications they require?
You need to have an honest conversation with your parents about any concerns that you now have. It’s important to keep those lines of communication open. After all, you’re taking steps that will make them feel as though their independence is being curtailed and that might a notion they need time to get used to. Ultimately however, their health and safety is primary!
Drop the guilt
As much as you’d like to drop everything and run over to see Mom and Dad on a regular basis, if you have a family of your own, to say nothing of a job, bills and other responsibilities, it might not always be possible. The idea that you can’t always be there for them, the way they were for you when you were young, is difficult.
This is the hardest part for adult children: letting go of the guilt that comes with managing care for aging parents at a distance. Here’s the thing: you’re allowed to have a life and family of your own. It’s what your parents raised you to do! And if that happens to be in another state or even another country, so be it. Interestingly, a MetLife/National Alliance for Caregiving report found that ‘the number of seniors who have switched states over the last decade has increased 65%’. So while we often think of young people as the ones who are moving around more than ever, they’re not alone!
Talk to siblings and other family members
Redefining ‘caring’ and figuring out what you can and can’t do from a distance requires as much input as you can get. If anyone in the family lives relatively close by who can be a primary contact, they should be involved in deciding how to help your parents. Can they come over more often or be available to drive to appointments? Can they help with some of the homemaking and yard work tasks that are just a little bit too difficult for your parents now? That said, it can be easier for some to accept a senior care worker that isn’t a member of the family, rather than feeling like they are burdening one of their children. If no one is nearby, can the others support you in hiring in home care services, financially?
Have all critical information at the ready
If an emergency does occur, you want to be prepared:
- Contact information for primary care physician and any specialists involved in their care;
- Lists of medications and prescription numbers;
- Legal documents such as Power of Attorney, for health and financial management, as well as wills and other documentation;
- Flight and travel options
Find out what your local options are
If it’s clear that your parents need some support in their home, it’s time to look at local resources. What form this takes will depend entirely on their needs, and you should include their inputs in your decisions. After all, it’s their lives and, short of requiring dementia or Alzheimer’s care, they are adults.
In-home caregiving can give you, and your parents, peace of mind. You can relax knowing that someone is checking in regularly and ensuring that they are getting what they need. Make sure that you put your instructions for the caregivers in writing: what you expect them to do (homemaking, nursing, personal care, etc…), what issues you expect them to check on, whether you expect them to makes notes and communicate back to you and so on. You should also be clear as to what you expect them to do, in the case of an emergency.
You can plan for the future, when in home care is no longer sufficient, but options such as home nursing and overnight care can extend the time your parents can live in their own home. Even if all they need is some companionship to relieve the isolation that often comes with less mobility or health issues, that option is available and can help bring a sense of relief to both yourself and your parents.
Having to deal with an emergency from a distance is far more stressful and complex: it’s far better to be prepared and have boots on the ground resources who can work with you to make sure that your parents are safe, healthy and happy.
If you or an aging loved one are considering in-home senior care in Atlanta, please call the compassionate, caring staff at Mothers Helping Hands Home Care. Call Today! 470-260-4137.